Tag Archives: Sex

“Sexy hogi toh…”

8 May

A college student gets off her father’s car and walks purposefully towards the Metro station, blissfully unaware that every auto driver standing alongside has turned to give her the once over. Her father can only grimace from a distance and pray that his daughter will return home unscathed.

A young lady waits outside a market, talking on her phone. Two policemen gawk at her unmindful of the chaos behind them as a motorcyclist hits a rickshaw. She knows she is being watched but can do nothing to avoid the stare of the very men who are meant to protect her.

Not too far away, three female friends emerge from a pub and are ogled at by every man in the mall – from the security guard to the parking attendant.

None of this is new. None of this is initiated by the clothes the women wear. None of it is restricted to just one city.

But all of it happens.

And it was brought to life outside the South Extension Market in Delhi last Saturday. I was waiting, impatient as usual, for the driver of a car to reverse his way out of an anarchic parking lot when a phrase caught my ear: “Sexy hogi toh nahin chalegi…”

That’s right. A male voice saying “if she’s sexy, then she won’t do.” I whipped around to see a stud in his late 20s, leaning against a car, drawling into a cell-phone. He would have been a driver or another blue-collar worker but was oozing arrogance in his attitude. For all I know, he must have willingly suspended disbelief while watching Vidya or Vicky and then connected their two recent hits in a warped way.

And he continued: “…agar khandan badhane wali hogi, ghar sambhalne wali hogi toh batana.” That is, “if she can carry forward the family (bear children) and manage the house, then tell me.”

You don’t have to be Sherlock to figure out that he was discussing a matrimonial relationship – either for himself or someone close to him (a brother perhaps). I was too stunned by his words to even take a photograph and couldn’t hang around to hear the rest of his conversation but, clearly, he epitomised the kind of man who would lust after a lady in public and then demand a demure, ghoonghat-covered wife in private.

Janus? Or just your average Indian male?

I still can’t get over that “sexy hogi toh nahin chalegi…”!


Law of Condoms

23 Feb

Mohitoz’ Law #248

Small should be large.

Law of Bellydancers

19 Feb

Mohitoz’ Law #247

Sailors will have a hip in every port.

Law of Ishqiya

6 Feb

Mohitoz’ Law #233

The eternal triangle is always right-tangled.

Law of Busts

19 Jan

Mohitoz’ Law #215

For women whose cups runneth over, it’s happy hours in Singapore.

Because Bar is an Anagram of Bra

The OverEasy Nightclub in Singapore offers women discounts on their drinks depending on the size of their cups (Photo courtesy: The Electric New Paper)

Law of Madhya Pradesh

15 Jan

Mohitoz’ Law #211

Tourists are welcome to an entire temple devoted to sex, but condom ads and lingerie displays are not.

Second Law of Beer

13 Jan

Mohitoz’ Law #208

Heineken will also refresh the tarts other beers cannot reach.

Heineken Beer

Once promoted as the beer which 'refreshes the parts that other beers cannot reach'...