Tag Archives: Mumbai

My Name Is Khichdi

11 Feb

Let’s get this straight.

The battle in Bombay (or Mumbai or whatever it is people want to call it) is not about a film. Or cricket. Or politics. Or Indianness.

It’s about money. About Lakshmi… irrespective of your religious beliefs.

Mr Khan needs a commercial hit because another Mr Khan showed that a trio of idiots could make more money than many other intelligent graduates.

He needs to remind India that his name is Khan. And, if you see him on TV, or are forced to read his retweets, you’ll realize he’s also reiterating his roots.

So is the maker of the film.

Not because they’re emotionally attached to Bombay or the film. But because they could get financially detached if the producers don’t recover their money.

It’s a good time to be a martyr, be it at a US airport or at one in UK: does it matter if body parts show up in x-ray scans (does size really matter?) though the authorities have rubbished this claim.

But Mr Khan is an honourable man. He claims he is here to entertain India and that’s exactly what he’s doing: with or without a regular release. Even if Bombayites don’t, the rest of India will see his film: don’t be surprised if all shows over the next weekend are sold out in other metros. And the Khaneratti go crazy trying to beat each other at status updates on F’book or Tweets. Suddenly, being the first to watch a film is more important than coming first in class or cracking a problem at work.

And, as though, we don’t have enough problems, our cops now have to guard movie halls. They’re more important than The Taj or the Gateway of India, it would seem. With strife of this kind, who needs the Taliban or the LeT: Pakistan is now trying to figure out what to do with its terrorists on the bench?

What’s worse is the complete khichdi between films, sports and politics. And commerce. There was a time when one sat in a dark hall, having suspended disbelief willingly to watch a character called Vijay beat the faeces out of evil-doers. Today, you can’t sit in the first three rows and probably have to carry your passport to get in anyway.

Is the film worth it – cinematically speaking? Is anyone even asking? Or will irrelevant hype give it four stars when the reviews are out tomorrow?

Somewhere, along the way, everyone’s lost the plot.

As for the roaring tiger, he’s clear: just because your name is Khan, it doesn’t mean you can.

And he seems to be thriving, unlike the ones in the real jungle. Pity.

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Law of Shiv Sena

11 Feb

Mohitoz’ Law #240

Khan can’t.

SRK vs Shiv Sena

His name may be Khan but, in Bombay, he can't (release his film, that is, without Shiv Sena's blessings)

Law of Mumbai’s (and Lausanne’s) Local Trains

5 Feb

Mohitoz’ Law #232

(Inspired by Arti )

When you reach the station right on time, the train will be at the wrong platform.

Law of Mumbai Taxis

22 Jan

Mohitoz’ Law #218

Taxis can’t do a u-turn on some Mumbai’s roads, but the Government always can.

Law of Mumbai Cops

5 Jan

Mohitoz’ Law #199

Chhota Rajan = Bada Problem

Second Law of Sachin Tendulkar

17 Nov

Mohitoz’ Law #147

Cartoonists can become politicians but cricketers can’t even come close.

Fourth Law of Mumbai

13 Oct

Mohitoz’ Law #110

You can give the city a holiday on the day of the elections, but you can’t make its citizens vote.